Screaming Silence

You're suppose to be the one person to see behind my mask
But I feel as though I'm more alone when we're together.

I don't want you to be my next biggest mistake.


XXOX

No Longer In The Shadows Of My Yesterday

So I've finally landed at my home base in Dundas, Ontario.

Took a few days to drive here, which included a variety of entertaining events and experiences, ones that I will never want to forget in my lifetime. My sister and I started the trip after a much too brief visit in Winnipeg to say good-bye to a handful of very special people as well as the painful "see you later" to my love. I'm so convinced that one day sooner than later he will join me in Toronto so we can explore the city together.

Our first day of driving into the U.S was a bit delayed... almost 6 hours delayed... so by the time we reached the border it was already starting to get dark. I had been hearing repeatedly that my Jeep was going to get searched top to bottom at the border, and that all my belongings (and there sure was a lot of stuff, my poor Jeep was packed right to the max!) were going to be thrown to the side of the road and left for my sister and I to hastily repack before moving on. Pulling up to the gates I continued to look awkward by choosing the only closed one, leaving myself no choice but to back up and make a mess of what should have been extremely simple. With passports in hand my sister and I were ready to go with out sweetest smiles on just in case that made a difference. 5 seconds after handing the women our I.D's we were released to continue on our way. Easy as pie! Thank goodness... since we still had about 5 more hours of driving until we reached Minneapolis.

In Minneapolis I had never ever been more excited to see an empty parking lot with no lighting in my entire life. It seemed no matter how much or how little fluids my sister and I consumed stopping to use the bathroom was an on-going trend that happened at least every two or three hours. By the time we reached Minneapolis we had greatly expired our three hour limit and in desperate need of some relief we legit pulled into a parking lot and had our own little pants down party. No one knew us so who cares!

We stayed in a very fancy looking hotel called the Millennium that I had found a great deal at online and booked a few weeks prior. The pool would have been so amazing to jump into but by this time it was already past 2 A.M. and closed. Since we both looked like complete shit we decided on ordering a pizza instead of resorting to the hotel kitchen or any other drunk people filled after-bar hangout spot. Although when the pizza guy came it was a fight to who was going to show off their lovely locks and messy makeup. My sister lost but with her luck the pizza boy was apparently verrrry handsome and worth the short walk (or so she says).

Two ladies in their early 20's find themselves in Minneapolis with nothing to do for the morning... the only option is clearly... Mall of America! Without getting too lost we managed to find a pretty decent parking spot just outside of the entrance to the rides & rollercosters!! Robyn and I indulged in the unlimited rides wrist bands and tested out all the rollercosters and rides we could for the next four hours. It was so much fun I felt like I as a little girl again! We vowed not to shop at all since the Jeep was already packed and ready to go with very little room for even us to sit. We started on our way to Milwaukee that afternoon with no idea what we'd find...

With this being both my sisters and I first lengthy road trip without older people guiding the way, I thought it would be a smart idea to pre-book our hotel rooms online (taking into consideration the reviews, locations and free amenities... breakfast & WiFi). The first hotel was awesome, very clean and well managed. Pulling up to our second hotel in Milwaukee was another story completely... the only way I can describe it is it appeared to be a very nice place for drug deals and prostitution to take place. The rooms were affordably priced at $45.00 a night, the entire hotel had many dark private areas to suit the needs of a handful of people just hanging out in the parking lot, and the rooms were quite simplicity in a sense that they definitely are trying to save the environment by not ever using a washing machine or cleaning products. To top it off my sister can be a bit of a queen... hence her childhood nickname "Queenie", so as soon as she walked into our room she stopped dead in her tracks and basically marched right back out but not before turning on a wobbly, flickering lamp to check the bed sheets. The thankfully paid for a wonderful room at the Holiday Express across the street to save our health. Even the manager admitted to us that she often wondered who stayed at the other hotel as she has only ever seen strange people walking about over there. Errr... yikes! Thank you Robyn for convincing me cross the street with you.

The next day was our longest day driving. We had about 10.5 hours left and were planning on powering through all of it before suppertime. We got up early and enjoyed a delicious free breakfast, then made our way onto Interstate 94 to continue to back into Canada. For my first time driving on any kind of large, fast-moving highway I feel like I did pretty good. It was terrible sleeping each night as I continually had dreams of driving and getting lost or crashing/causing an accident. We made it safe and sound into Canada a few hours later then expected but it didn't matter because we found Tim Hortons once again. It was amazing. It was also amazing when Robyn and I were sitting in the Jeep in the parking lot and some guy backed up a bit in the drive thru in front of us and was hand signaling to us. It took us a few minutes to realize he was signaling to us but he was seriously almost out of his truck to walk over to us before we clued in that he was trying to tell us that Robyn had left her ice capp on the roof of the Jeep! People are so nice in Canada haha he couldn't stop laughing and neither could we. We felt like the biggest losers ever haha! Ahhh so the rest of our trip ended within four hours and now we are safe & sound at my Auntie's wonderful home in Dundas.

Her backyard is to die for. Such a paradise.



XXOX

Like a bad habit, it's going to be hard to break this cycle.

So the big move is getting closer with each fleeting moment. I'm actually quite surprised no one has called my bluff as currently I am more terrified than excited for this new life of mine. I can't even imagine the number of obstacles I'll be facing once it all begins. 

New school, new faces, new job, new lifestyle, new outlook & attitude, new wants & needs, new goals...

At this point I have no clue who I'll be in a few months. Ever since highschool I've always adapted to different situations by blending in... kind of... I always did wear weird clothes so I sort of stood out awkwardly all the time.. but regardless, I managed to alter myself to fit whatever the situation. A.k.A. fit my boyfriend at the time.

For example.. in all my past relationships I developed a second me. One who dressed the way they wanted,  listened to music they suggested, acted the way they liked me to, etc. I've been a rebel, punk, emo-ish, girly girl, rocker, slutty (combined with all the other options usually), pinup, vintage, nerdy, hipster, stoner, party girl, omg the list is seriously endless. 

I hadn't really seen the stages this clearly until I started sorting through all my old clothes and cds (which I still have from highschool).The "stages"are very evident and since I've spend almost my entire teenage years dating guys there was a very wide variety of styles that just so happened to coordinate perfectly with my wide variety of ex's. Its sad to say but even at 21 years old I still don't know who I am, but I have a pretty good idea of who I want to be. 

Today I feel like... Robyn's nerdy older sister, Kyle's long distance girlfriend & Kelsey's increasingly distant friend. 

In the future I just want to feel like me. 

A most likely struggling yet extremely happy
 & passionate special effects makeup artist. 

A vintage wearing, bargain hunting, bunny loving lady.

A very independent woman with an old
soul that enjoys wine a bit too much 
after a long day. 

I guess the trick would be to find 

a way to not let the current situations 

around me define who I am.  

Because when those situations go away 

its a lot harder to pick up the pieces 

& find balance when I've become 

dependent on them.

Like a bad habit, 
it's going to be hard to break this cycle.  

Wish me luck :) XXOX

Sunday Thoughts

First off, a photo update on what hair color I've finally decided on! PURPLE!!! 

Thank you Instagram for your fabulously addicting photo editing :)

Yay! My favorite tattoo even made it into this picture :) My cute little bow on my finger!

Hanging out on my back deck enjoy some sunshine!

So after a handful of colors, this is the one I am most in love with. Sadly it is only a semi-permanent hair dye, so who knows what color its going to be once I have to touch it up. Oh well, it's new and exciting. Can't seem to get enough of the weird looks my Baba gives me every time she sees just how purple it is ha ha. :)

As for my Sunday Thoughts.. well.. really all my thoughts from this past weekend:

For starters I spend my weekend completely sober and relaxed the entire time which for a fact has never happened yet this summer... and I wonder where all my money has gone.... yuck. Drinking & partying is so much fun but now that I look back, none of it was worth it. Besides sucking my bank account dry, my extracurricular activities has also sucked all my enthusiasm of completing a marathon this summer. Instead of spending my time training I drank tons of empty calories that lead to forgetting the best parts of summer with people I love. Lose-Lose. Which is why it's never too late to restart my training & saving money even if it is just for myself. 

After my first weekend I feel so much better then I have after many previous weekends of this summer. I'm not tired/hungover or rundown and instead I feel more energized and able to conquer my week... kind of.. I'm still a bit intimidated of the position I'll be covering for at work this week but in reality I am only a summer student, It's not like they can expect me to pull a big-time purchasing exec out of my ass. Right? Right! 

Now this all this extra time I decided to let my sister really kick my ass into gear. She has been working hard to get into tip-top shape and I must congratulate her on all her efforts because honestly, she looks super hot. In her mind she still has a lot to work on but even now she is my inspiration to work on my own body. So after a few day of working at her speed I'm verrrry stiff and sore but 5 pounds lighter and a hell of a lot stronger feeling. I'm nervous for what the rest of the summer will bring as she has promised to continue to kick me ass as long I am living at home with her ha ha. Who knows, maybe I'll find a marathon to run in the fall? 

Lots of positives this weekend but also a lot of negatives have landed on my plate. These details are usually the reason why I party so hard because it helps keep them off my mind until they resolve themselves (which they usually do since I worry about EVERYTHING and tend to blow small, easily fixable issues out of proportion until I completely freak myself out about them). Now that I had all weekend to think clearly about my issues I have freaked myself out pretty good, but I've also created plans and back up plans to figure them out. 

Sorry if this is coming off as more as a woe-is-me diary entry tonight but suck it up, this is my blog and I'll write what I want ha ha. 

ISSUES:

Paying for school:

Deadline on Tuesday, $_ _, _ _ _ ._ _ is an amount I do not currently have in my bank account and there is no way I'll be able make that amount on my own. I do have the money but it is currently tied up with my accountant who in the past two months has changed secretaries and in turn has lost my request information to have this money ready and waiting for this deadline. I was able to extend the deadline but only for one week and the money will probably take about two to get here. Soooo that leaves a big of a hiccup for me. The back up plans involve my sisters savings account or my Dedo's education fund that he had set aside for me which both come with HUGE strings attached. Neither of my grandparents agree with me going into the special effects makeup field and believe that I will end up being a homeless bum who begs for money. (Fingers crossed that doesn't ever happen because that would be a very painful "I told you so"conversation with them). 

Next issue is also money related. I have saved very little money this summer and I reallllly don't think I'll have enough to pay for this coming years expenses including gas. Yuck. Which doesn't leave me with very many options. I am going to be working a part-time job while going to school but I don't think even that will be enough to feed my Jeep enough gas to get me to school everyday. So.. reluctantly I've started thinking about selling my dream vehicle and opting for a smaller, more gas efficient car. Probably a Honda Civic since they're not too too ugly. I've never driven a small car before, I'm definitely more of a Jeep/SUV type chick so this option makes me cringe but at this point it doesn't seem like a choice, rather a must if I want to driving to school rather then peddling a bike to school... although that would be the best choice for the environment and my body.. hmm... looks like I'll have to take a closer look at this :) 

DONE! NO MORE WORRYING! I apologize to those of you who have actually read this far because wow, even I'm getting tired of listing to myself but there was good that came from publishing this post. At least for me. It always helps me to write things down. It relaxes me and settles my whirl-wind of thoughts. So now that my thoughts are settled time for some fun!

Top 5 highlights from this weekend!!

5.) Saving $1.00 on my Mio (liquid water enhancer) and every time I use it I reply the stupid-funny commercial in my head. Mmmm the strawberry watermelon flavor is soooo yummy! Especially in club soda!

4.) Having sleep conversations with my sister about our weird dreams and snoring half way through.

3.) Spending time at the beach in the sun with my sister. "Make me brown sun!" - pleas from a white girl (me).

2.) Taking a video-worthy tumble while longboarding behind my jogging sister because of a hilarious joke she told me. All the while some car filled with young girls was driving by, saw the entire fall and were laughing their asses off because of how much of a retard I looked like lol. Then they made a U-turn to see if they could catch me looking like an even bigger goon! Ooooh small town drama. Still surprised that didn't end up on the Internet, I really would have enjoyed that ha ha.

1.) My amazing awkward attempt at working out with my sister. It never failed and didn't matter how hard I tried I just naturally make even the easiest tasks appear super awkward. lol. My sister even videoed us to show me just how awkward I am ha ha. 

Here is the Gem of this post!

There you have it! My amazing weekend!

I hope you all also had an amazing weekend no matter how you spend it :)

Thanks for reading!

XXOX

Risk Worth Taking

After taking a dive into the whole "ombre" fashion hair trend for the last few months, I decided that it was high time to change it up a bit, add a little more color and shine. Soooo ... thanks again to Pinterest... Here's what I've decided on! :)



So my idea started as peek-a-boos and highlights....

...then I changed my mind and jumped on the idea of having a full head of purple hair!...

... and now after having my sister dye my hair purple over the previous ombre look I had, this is more how it looks! A few touch ups are in order, and with a color like this I'm expecting to be having to do touch ups verrrry often... but it's SO worth it! I just love it! :)

My goal is to achieve this color:

So hopefully by mixing in a bit more of the same purple I have in right now, with a touch of red and a tad of a darker plum purple I can be close to what I want and still save a ton of money by doing it myself!
(with help from my lovely sister of course!)

XXOX

Battling the Blues

Everyone has those days where all you want to do is stay in bed, tucked away under the covers, in an attempt to escape the world and all its surprises. Since the world never stops spinning, the only thing you're really doing by hiding away is wasting a chance to turn things around.

"Everyday you wait is just another day wasted" - The Dirty Heads

So dammit get your butt out of bed and do something that makes you happy!

Top 5 Things That Would Make Me Happier Right Now:

1.) Swinging in a hammock, even it was tied in within the confined space of my office cubicle.

2.) Polka Dots & Floral Prints

3.) Hugs

4.) Bunnies/Lion Cat (tied)

5.) Daises... preferably the free wild ones that cover the sides of the highway.

Do what makes you happy :)

XXOX

A Dreamers Dream

For years how I've fantasized about owning my own weird, tall & skinny home. From red doors to exposed brick walls I've contemplated it all. Each and every detail that you would normally think about when buying a home.. only now since I've been planning for roughly the past five years I'm well prepared to pick out the perfect place to call home.

Nothing fancy.
Or too big.

I want it to feel like a home with warm colors and worn out floors. A bright white attic for all my fun crafty moments and a fenced in back yard for my future fox-like puppy to play in. Yes, I cannot wait!

Pinterest has been more then just an amazing waste of time. It has given me an ever-expanding range of ideas starting from DIY projects to full on construction blueprints. Here are just a few images that I've enjoyed so far:

okay... so mayyybe a house in a tree is a bit ridiculous... but regardless it is still amazing, don't you think? :)

Welcome Inside :)

Living Room:

And Now Onto The Bedroom:

Don't Forget The Details!:

OOOh flooding with ideas right now!!

Anyways, Lunch break is over :( Back to work!

XXOX

Super Quick Lunch Break Update!

Found myself with nothing to entertain my during my lunch break (Facebook is blocked and you can only refresh Twitter so many times in a minute) so i'm going to briefly update whom ever is interested :)

In the last 30 days i've managed to royaly screw up shit at the University of Manitoba (good thing i'm not planning on going back there... ever!) I've also moved from Winnipeg back home for the summer. I'm now living out at the lake with my Dedo with whom I am constantly butting heads with but it's all worth it when he makes me kick ass suppers and doubles after work!

Now that i'm back and out of school until September there's lots of time to spend working... yayyy... but seriously. Yay. With the paychecks i'm making these days i'm honestly so stoked to be working my 10-hour shifts 4 days a week. So worth it. I need money. School has drained my bank account dry.

Being back home in this less than glamourous town does have some perks though! I FINALLY get to see my best friend again! I've missed her so so so so sooo much and I love that even if we don't see or talk to each other for days, weeks, months, its like not a day went by when we do get together. XXOX

On top of everything else i've also stumbled over a very great guy, name not needed, but trust me, he sure seems like a keeper. Best part is the way he makes my cheeks hurt from smiling constantly even if we live 7 hours away for the summer. Right now all the waiting and traveling is worth it :)

Soo yah. I guess you could say that my life hasn't been too too exciting in the last little while, but just thought i'd give yah a new post for those who read, just to remind you that I haven't forgotten about you or this!

Have a lovely day folks!

XXOX

PS. You may already know but i've recently become addicted to Twitter so FOLLOW ME: sydneyxxox :)

For the Love of All Things Easter

For the love of all things pastel & made of chocolate, Happy Easter folks!

This weekend has been somewhat of a bust for me, a few heart aches and stressful situations but I cannot truly complain due to the fact that the first half of my week was filled with a lethal amount of happy. So here's what's up:

Monday I FINALLY found out that in fact, YES, I have been offically accepted into the school of my dreams, a.k.a Complections College of Makeup Art and Design in Toronto, ON!!! Thank goodness, I was really starting to get worried I wouldnt get in and then i'd be completely and utterly lost as to what my plan B would be. I was also lucky enough to find takers for my apartment come May so now I no longer need to worry abou subleting and all that jazz!

Tuesday I recieved a call stating that one of my mothers investment accounts had not been dealt with.. after almost 12 years that seems a bit strange to me, but regarless I now have extra cash flowing my way which is perfect since Complections is not a cheap school to attend.

Wednesday I went for wonderful summertime pedi's with my lovely pal Denae. The only downside to the fresh coat of paint is that it glows while i'm at work.. lol it reminds of monster teeth!

Thursday I had an early start but was still a very enjoyable day :) I had a shopping date with my co-worker so we could pick out semi-matching outfits for the Easter themed weekend. It was a first for both of us to have the staff at the mall say "Good Morning" to us as we walked in haha. We looked a bit hardcare showing up as soon as the mall opened. With so many optons we finally ended up with pink skirts and cute white and pink bunny ears for $4.00! Can't go wrong with that. We even had tiny cotton tails and pink sparkly bow ties that were more of a pain in the butt then anything. So itchy and constricting. Needless to say our tips were pretty good that night! :)

Things kind of went down hill from then on. I won't go into detail as I would hate to expand on this pity party i've thrown myself. I guess I will admit to one thing i'd really like to change about myself. I wish it was easier for me to focus more on what is best for me rather than everyone else around me. I've been told on a multitude of occasions that I am a "people pleaser", a term that I cannot aruge with, and at times it works to my benefit, but for the sake of my own happiness I need to start putting myself first once in a while. Not in an arrogent way, just enough to do what I need to do. Does that make sense? I'm still confused about it all so I apologise for my rambles.

With the weather and my mood in such a gloomy state I thought it best that I attempt to cheer myself and my apartment up with a colorful, fragrent Easter craft!! Cute bunnies also help to cheer me up haha my own little easter bunny Button, so cheesy but so cute.

Time for the craft. I saw this idea on Pinterest and knew that I had to test it out. There's how it goes:

Things you'll need:

1. Two glass containers, one smaller then the other. **The closer they are in size the less eggs you'll need to fill it up!**
2. Decorative easter things to use as a filler around the bottom. I used Hersey's Eggies since they were cheaper and yummy. I also picked up a package of pink basket stuffer to use as my first layer to take up even more space!
3. Pretty ribbon to use as a finishing touch
4. Flowers!! :)

Sorry the photos are a bit busy but you get the main idea. Also, don't be afraid to try out other ideas such as using different shaped containers, or other fillers. There are tons of options out there, be creative!

I made sure to take photos at each step to help maybe make this more interested haha

Step 1:

To help secure the container and prevent slidding I squished two strips of sticky tack onto bottom of the smaller container.

Step 2:

I then placed the smaller container into the larger one, making sure to place it in the middle and pressed down firmly. My inner container was about an inch taller then the outer one, I didnt' like how it looked in the end but after adding the ribbon it still turned out alright. I would suggest getting the same height if possible. Although this is nice since the water will have little to no chance of spilling into the eggs!

Step 3:

Next I added a small layer of basket stuff to help take up a bit more space. I used a spoon to smush it down to the bottom

Step 4:

Add the eggs (or any other filler idea!) I did see another version on Pinterest where they added Peeps instead of the chocolate eggs. So cute!

Step 5:

Add the flower food junk and water. BE SURE NOT TO SPILL ANY WATER IN THE EGGS!!

Step 6:

Add the flowers. Now i'm no florist but from what i've gathered looking at other floral arrangments you want to start with the flower you have the most of (excluding the greenery). First was the light purple dasies (which are my favorite, especially the wild white ones that grow in ditches!) Then I went ahead and added in the rest.

Step 7:

Add in all the fancy extras starting with the greenery, then anything extra special you can think of. I found these really neat jeweled decorations at the dollar store that I decided would possibly look cute.

Step 8:

Adding the finishing touches!

I chose a light pink, 1inch thick, wire ribbon that I also found at the Dollaar store. I attempted to tie it into a fancy bow but now that i'm taking a second look at it i'm going to probably try it out again. Youtube is aweome for quick tutorials on how to tie fancy bows if yours looks as messy as mine haha!

And you're done!! Bravo on your beautifully created Easter inspired center-piece. I plan on taking mine to Dauphin tomorrow as a gift to my aunty for cooking me and my family what's going to be (and always is) a delicious Easter supper! Yumm yumm I can't wait!





Well I hope you enjoyed this tutorial, if you follow me on pinterest I tend to continuously pin neat little DIY crafts and projects along with many other interests I have including clothes, jewelry, makup and decorating. Hope you all have a very Happy Easter!

Photo I took while waiting for my photos to upload :) turned out not too bad considing it was taken with an iphone.

P.S. One more thing I forgot to add!

While I was bargin hunting at the mall for my flower arrangment, I stumbled upon an awesome 2 for $25 triple wick candle sale at Bath&Body Works! I picked up the pinapple and peach bellini candles and I must admit the peach is by far the most amazing candle i've ever bought. I lit it before diving into this new blog post and now my entire apartment smells amazing! There were a few other sents but the lady did mention that the peach is the best selling and goes very quickly so if your interested get down there quick!



Cuddles & Kisses
XXOX