So the big move is getting closer with each fleeting moment. I'm actually quite surprised no one has called my bluff as currently I am more terrified than excited for this new life of mine. I can't even imagine the number of obstacles I'll be facing once it all begins.
New school, new faces, new job, new lifestyle, new outlook & attitude, new wants & needs, new goals...
At this point I have no clue who I'll be in a few months. Ever since highschool I've always adapted to different situations by blending in... kind of... I always did wear weird clothes so I sort of stood out awkwardly all the time.. but regardless, I managed to alter myself to fit whatever the situation. A.k.A. fit my boyfriend at the time.
For example.. in all my past relationships I developed a second me. One who dressed the way they wanted, listened to music they suggested, acted the way they liked me to, etc. I've been a rebel, punk, emo-ish, girly girl, rocker, slutty (combined with all the other options usually), pinup, vintage, nerdy, hipster, stoner, party girl, omg the list is seriously endless.
I hadn't really seen the stages this clearly until I started sorting through all my old clothes and cds (which I still have from highschool).The "stages"are very evident and since I've spend almost my entire teenage years dating guys there was a very wide variety of styles that just so happened to coordinate perfectly with my wide variety of ex's. Its sad to say but even at 21 years old I still don't know who I am, but I have a pretty good idea of who I want to be.
Today I feel like... Robyn's nerdy older sister, Kyle's long distance girlfriend & Kelsey's increasingly distant friend.
In the future I just want to feel like me.
A most likely struggling yet extremely happy
& passionate special effects makeup artist.
A vintage wearing, bargain hunting, bunny loving lady.
A very independent woman with an old
soul that enjoys wine a bit too much
after a long day.
I guess the trick would be to find
a way to not let the current situations
around me define who I am.
Because when those situations go away
its a lot harder to pick up the pieces
& find balance when I've become
dependent on them.
Like a bad habit,
it's going to be hard to break this cycle.
Wish me luck :) XXOX
